Wow, I feel this is an area which we are all experts but rarely do we speak about this. These sessions were designed to help our prayer life, where previously such emphasis has been so much on petitioning God to do our requests. Nadia Bolz-Weber said that that prayer could be akin to a slot machine. We pay our money and Santa God rewards us with what we want. When we recall back at all those times we asked God for this or that and this or that didn’t result, what happened then? Unanswered Prayers – Why?
“Prayer is less how what we get what we want, and more how God gets what God wants”
Nadia Bolz-Weber
Previously…
There are a number of reasons for this perhaps, which I’ll discuss below, but first let’s review what these sessions have taught us:
- We can pray anywhere and at anytime. Whereas monks and ascetics of the past would remain within Monasteries or climb up poles, we may live our lives at be in communion with God. Whereas clerics may have certain offices, chapels to which they go to pray, we may find those hallowed holy places at our breakfast table, on our way to work, in that moment as we look out of the window, contemplating the news on the TV, and in the (possible) quietness as we go to bed.
- We can pray using our God given imagination, taking in a scene from the Bible and place ourselves in that very scene. As that scene plays out, we might ponder on what we would like to say to God, and importantly try to hear what God is saying to us individually.
- We can pray reflectively over the past day or few hours. Using the suggested five finger framework we may progressively consider what has brought us life, where God has been evident, the high points of that time, the times where we need further support, and where we can help others.
If our lives were in abundance, what would we pray for?
As my wife and I walked to the shops this morning, she remarked that “weeds can crop up despite the membrane“. Our lives, especially as Christians where we may focus upon John 10:10 – having life in all its abundance, may not always be as rosy as we would like it to be. Think over the past 14 months (at the time of writing), of the loss of life due to Covid-19, of the loss of life more recently in Gaza – Unanswered Prayers – Why?
“Lay down this book and reflect for 5 minutes on the fact that all great religions were first preached, and long practised, in a world without chloroform.”
Lewis. C.S., Problem of Pain (NY: HarperCollins, 2001), p. 5
Life can be hard but where is God in all this?
What are we asking for?
We can pray for binary options, contradictions. When there is an election and we particularly favour one party over another, we might pray for their victory. What then of our friend who may be voting for the alternative party? When there is a sporting fixture and we pray for God to bring victory to our club, what of the other club’s success? When we are fixated by a court case and we are convinced that the person is guilty or innocent and we pray for that specific judgement to be made. What is God to do in these cases?
Abba Father, I know all this stuff about Your love in my head, but my heart gets hard to it and I’m tired. Please do whatever you’ve got to do to unclench my fists. Pry open my eyes so that I may see your tears, and soften my heart so that it moves me. I don’t understand why you don’t answer my prayers, but I do choose to trust that you have heard me, that you care for me, and that You’re somewhere out there on my case.
Grieg, Pete., God On Mute, p.62
Life is tough
I recall a hospital chaplain who spoke of a family who came to ICU to see their son who had been involved in a motorcycle accident. As they stood at the bedside, there wasn’t much anyone could say – it was tragic. The Chaplain disclosed to me that he felt useless, no words were forthcoming – what was he to say? “I’m sorry” he mumbled to the family. “No, No, you were wonderful. Thank you for all you’ve done” they replied. Silence is not only golden but a form of prayer.
If prayer is an opportunity to “be with God” rather than a “brief encounter, dropping off the list for today” then perhaps we need to refocus our relationship with God. God offers so much more.
Sam Wells in his books Incarnational Ministry and a Nazareth Manifesto describes the importance of Being With, as shown by Jesus in the Gospels. He says that the majority of Jesus’ time was Being With others, only 9% Working With, and 1% Working For people. Jesus also spent time away, often alone, but Being With God. Could this be informative in that rather than petitioning God to do something, we just focus upon Being With God?
But that might mean being like Job or the Psalms
I recall recently hearing from a friend of the sad news of the loss of a loved one. It’s a times like these that we do pause, and in this period of separation in the Pandemic, feel isolated. I can’t bring back their loved one, much as I liked to pray. But what I can do is to speak with God, one to one, on how my friend must feel, on how I feel, on what I might now do. The picture might be of being in the arms of God – we might also be fighting, asking…..WHY? – but in essence it is refocussing our attention on God. And yes, we might be angry, as in Job; and/or tears may fall, as in the Psalms: and that’s ok albeit painful, as we are human. But we may see hope in God, knowing that we are not alone.
Praying for the benefit of me
This is quite topical as we come to the end of Thy Kingdom Come, a 10 day focus upon prayer between Ascension and Pentecost. One of their foci is to pray for 5 people so they would know God. I wonder what it might feel like if you were one of the five people. Did you want to know God? Were you aware of this? Perhaps this is a form of hopeful control, that if my friend becomes a Christian, it will all turn out ok for them. Better still, might be to listen to them and share our faith more practically. Likewise praying for a car park space to be available at the shops/mall is also a little self-serving perhaps? Unanswered Prayers – Why? Where was God in this prayer?
Nature
Much as we might like it, changing the laws of nature is highly unlikely. Praying that something will reverse direction might be a powerful human reaction but unlikely. But praying that due to man-made Climate Change we seek to change our ways, and make this planet safer for our children might be more reasonable. Praying that we break down barriers to fight Covid-19 as one, may be as one with God.
Conclusion
Unanswered Prayers – Why? You see it may not be about changing the world around us, but being part of the world with God. It is developing that relationship with God, to rest with our loving God, that we may connect with God in all that we do, whenever, wherever we are, which is important.
We can pray for our loved ones, our acquaintances, the person we just saw in the street, those we struggle even to be with: and in this we connect to God, and through God to them. We start to see this world through the eyes of God, start to see God’s kin_dom. Kin because we are all one. It’s not a place where God rules down upon us, but where God walks with us – described beautifully and metaphorically in the Garden of Eden. Even in those times of what seems like unanswered prayer we may find God near to us, if we dare.
We are drawing nearer to God precisely because of our unanswered prayer
Grieg, Pete., God On Mute, p.155
I would ask how can we pray to god when we are having a breakdown , when we have been taken beyond what we can bear , many times Ive been told that god will not take us beyond what we can bear but how does that bear up when youve had 4 major breakdowns . I can only answer for me , For me to thank god that he has a purpose in my suffering has what has brought me through many dark times.
I think you have captured that beautifully “brought me through many dark times”. In the scene where Jesus is asleep in the boat, amidst the storm, the disciples wake him, urge him to stop the storm. Afterwards have they remembered what he said or that the storm has gone? Prayer is that relationship where we move closer to God, but it is not only one way. God also re-establishing links to us, so that when the storms come – and they will – we can remember what to do.
Returning to your point that ‘God will not take us beyond what we can bear”, I think of the trauma felt by countless people – as you yourself have explained – including death. Some answers are not apparent: perhaps the Church needs to be up front about that – we don’t know. I can only answer as a minister and encourage people to grow closer to God, and here I feel prayer is a way of doing that.
I love the post i find it difficult to pray
I think the Church has taught us to pray using requests to God, whereas we would never just speak to anyone with a series of ‘things you could do’. Perhaps prayer is more of a conversation, a mixture of speaking, listening and even silences: times when we can rest with each other. Prayer has been seen as one of action when it might be a time of rest as well.