So what about death?

This week we launch the Death Café. It sounds a bit strange launching a café in October, let alone one that focusses upon Death. One person said that the advertising campaign was a loser as it included death. I wonder how we might dodge that? So what about death this thing we don’t talk about?

It is inevitable. It’s going to happen, so perhaps we should have a say in it rather than leave it to our family?

Are there any more options other than burial and cremation?

Centuries ago, burial was the ‘norm’, in fact in the ‘Christian’ world it was the only way. We had lots of land and it left a permanent memorial to the deceased for the family to focus their mourning. Then we realised this land may not be useable for many years, centuries and land was useful for other things as well. Therefore, cremation was introduced as it provided a better land-use quotient, as we could utilise the Garden of Remembrance for wee urns or for places where we might spread the ashes.

Now there are modern alternatives. There is the chemical bath, shown in a way in the series ‘Good Omens‘ when inadvertently the devils decide to use holy water to melt away one of their own. Anyway, in reality, it’s when we use a chemical to dissolve the deceased, thereby reducing the use of land and remains. There is a heavy ecological penalty with the waste water. We could also use a microbe filled suit, called a MushRoom Burial suit, which are a biodegradable way to bury your body. Is this a Green alternative?

The nearest Woodlands Burial site we have to Glasgow is in Kilmarnock.

What age would you like to die?

This is one of the many questions which are available for discussion at the café. As a past teacher I recall one student being very excited that they would receive a state pension of – in those days – £6k a year, as they checked out the prices of their intended annual cruise. They were shocked that this was an income to keep them afloat, in other ways. Then they realised that their life expectancy was so much longer than they anticipated due to innovations in medical research and care. However, the quality of life may not be as good as they wished. The topic of euthanasia is emotive but very topical. The understanding of the people who desire assisted suicide is also important. “Walk in their shoes” is quite apt: how would we feel in their situation? Are we willing to openly discuss it?

Are we scared of death or dying?

This is something we might discuss as we approach death, but surely it might be something we ponder upon well, well before the event. As that past student found the thought of dying discouraging, they hadn’t considered what death meant to them. Death itself might be purely a concept. It won’t affect “us’ as we will be dead. But we generally try to give the person a “good send-off”, there’s a hope of something beyond death, even for atheists. If death is the ‘end’ then why do we do this?

What musical playlist would you like at your wake?

Rather than leaving this to our mourning family, what music would you like at the service, wherever that will be, and at the wake, or celebration, call it what you will – and why don’t we have a say?

Many folk struggle to think of suitable music for such an occasion, forced by the expectation they perceive from others, when the service is about the one who died. My Dad wanted the Yingtong song at his cremation. The minister’s face was a picture as we recalled immediately the nature of my Dad. It brought such a smile to the end of an emotional time. The music lives on as we recall his life. It’s a legacy.

So what might be your questions at the Death Café?