When anyone starts out on a journey, perhaps a new job, as a child, our first steps are possibly tentative. Going too far or fast might be counter-productive – it might even cause problems.
So as we start this short Lenten programme considering the 12 Steps used by the Anonymous organisation, let’s not jump into the deep end, but carefully enter from the shallow end. When I first attended an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, I was told that I wasn’t allowed to make any contributions. I thought at first it was because I wasn’t a ‘member’ – sounds fair. Their actual explanation was far more to the point. ‘As a man, did I have experience of giving birth?’ ‘Then, you won’t know of what it actually feels like being an alcoholic’. I am sure some might come back at me, and find a loop hole in that analogy. I certainly could find parallels with my depression and symptoms of burn out, those intrusive thoughts which broke through and seriously impacted my life – but, no, I couldn’t entirely empathise with an alcoholic.
Let’s start
We arrive here as possibly from a church background. We may not be alcoholics. The Alcoholic Anonymous groups use a book called the Big Book. It speaks of two church goers, from the USA, who were alcoholics but sought a way of recovery. The book was written for alcoholics, at that time, to describe their circumstances and to signpost a way forward that they had found was successful. Members of the AA use the book to find that golden thread within their life to keep them going, to motivate them onwards. They speak of a ‘high power’, which is sufficiently vague enough for people to discern this higher power as they deem fit. From a Christian perspective, we might possibly be shocked by this; however, our description of God is certainly not prescribed by the Bible. Furthermore, our imagery of Jesus can and in fact does change by our geographical origin – and even has been shown in female form for those of a liberation theological perspective from Central America.
As we wend our way on this journey, let us allow God to speak to us, so that we may be inwardly transformed.
Powerless not helpless
Those in anonymous are welcomed to any of the meetings, where they are initially to attend as many meetings as possible within the first 90 days. There are, anecdotally, over 300 meetings in Glasgow alone, per week, every week – at all times of the day and night, whether they be face-to-face or virtual. They are encouraged to have a sponsor, some one who has gone through the 12 steps programme and can support the person at each step. They are not some super-guru – just one of experience.
We admit we are powerless over life challenges and that our lives can become unmanageable.
AA Big Book Step 1
How do we feel about this?
From one who is in counselling, I find that this has only become apparent when I had learnt to truly fell who I was rather than what I do. We may all have had (or have) a job title. It describes what role we perform but it doesn’t explain who we are, a way to describe our inner feelings. Yes, we can be like that swan, gliding effortlessly over the surface, but underneath, our feet are kicking like furry. This first step is possibly admitting that we are doing just that kicking like furry – except, that’s for a non-alcoholic. What might it feel like for one who uses/abuses a substance to mask those feelings, to hide the pain of those life challenges?
Possibly pause a moment to consider, if we can, what it might mean to us. We may have alternative circumstances which offer a parallel reality to the one of an alcoholic.
Paul describes, in one of his many letters to the Corinthians dated around 50s AD, that we are like jars of clay. Having seen the The Great Pottery Throwdown on C4, I am not sure I would like to be thrown onto a spinning wheel, dipped in a milky glaze and then fired, like a biscuit or not 😉 However, Paul gives us a flavour of what we might wish to be like: ones who acknowledge that we are bounced around in life like some object in a bagatelle table.
We are not sure where or when the next impact might come from; we might even just accept that we just need to hang on in there. Is that being powerless, recognising that we are unable to control everything? Is it that desire to be in control that inhibits us?
To be broken appears contrary to the ideals of society today. We need to be totally in control, masters of our destiny; when actually, rarely does that happen. Ask some political moguls in the USA currently…Their power comes in the form of voters, and whether they can be persuaded to vote for them – and that power is super-fickle: it can certainly change quickly.
If powerless could be defined as without influence, helplessness could mean an inability to act effectively. What these definitions lack is control. Tian Dayton defines these attributes with control in context.
“Powerlessness is a conscious act of surrender and implies my own recognition that I cannot control people, places and things. Helplessness is part of the trauma response, part of the collapse that any human or animal goes into when they feel that there is nothing they can do that will help to change things for the better. When I allow myself to shift into a chosen state of powerlessness,
https://www.tiandayton.com/shifting-helplessness-to-powerlessness/, last accessed on 29 Jan 24
I make a profound move inward and upward.”
If we can allow ourselves those feelings of helplessness over an issue to shift to a chosen state of powerlessness, we take back control. We ground ourselves, we know where we are starting from, rather than being blown around in the wind of our issues.
Focussing upon the latter question, what does this say as a follower of Christ? It is not pushing us into the dirt of despair but a recognition that God, however we discern God to be, can make that difference to us and our lives. We are powerless but have hope, we know of a way forward and can trust in that. Is that it?
Well, no. That’s step 1 of 12. For the addict, they are on a journey of re-discovery, one of finding themselves amidst the distant haze of the influence of alcohol. As a non-alcoholic, as a follower of Christ, it is to reconsider where our foundation of faith lies. Is it based upon a distant Sunday School perspective, or to check through what we believe to strengthen our personal understanding of God? What are your thoughts?
I am really enjoying the dialogue
Yes, really helpful thoughts on this, thank you very much Bob. Just the beginning. When it can feel so momentous to take a little step on the journey. Loved the Corinthians jar analogy. Very helpful way into this first step. Thank you thank you
At the beginning of Lent, I am in this position, taking my first wobbly steps as a free agent with my husband.
My lovely much loved fur baby, our black and white cat Willow, died on Ash Wednesday releasing Kevin and I into an unknowable sea. Prior to that, as you know, my lovely little 94 year old Mum died on 23 December 2023, just two weeks short of her 95th birthday.
We had been caring for them both here in our home.I felt particularly sad about Willow’s death so close to my Mum’s because I thought I had neglected him somewhat in the final months of Mum’s life. I had wanted to spend more time with him to make it up to him. Even so, cats don’t hold grudges. I sat beside him on our spare bed where he had chosen to be, for 3 days before he died, and he welcomed me each time I came to him with a tiny mew and emitted tiny trembling purrs as I gently stroked him, right up to his last moments.
My first reaction to this double grief was a feeling of panic in the form of palpitations. I am calmer now a week to the day of Willow’s death. I was helped by empathy of Maggie and a few rituals introduced to me by her as the owner of the local pet cemetery where we took Willow; and kindness too from animal loving friends and family. The funeral had taken place for Mum already, and another story is how I think she helped me face the second grief of losing Willow.
Now I am slowly taking a few baby steps back out into the world around me.
Reading this, I think I have got my head around the difference between helplessness and powerlessness, and then the difference in the concepts slides away from me, drawn away like shifting sand under an incoming wave.
Allow ourselves time for that drift to occur, naturally. Then recognise that with powerlessness we can accept support from those we wish to have alongside – at our pace.