What to expect at the Death Café

Atmosphere

If you are expecting a foreboding venue with spiders webs, open coffins and a bit of dampness thrown in, sorry to disappoint. How about a place where we are all welcomed as one whose opinion is worthwhile? We all have to go through this process: with our family, with friends, and eventually with ourselves. So perhaps we need to find that place where we will be warm, comfortable, well fed, and not expected to say anything until we are ready.

Our Death Cafe is here: https://deathcafe.com/deathcafe/16219/

Our previous articles can be found here https://dbobstoner.com/category/life/death-cafe/

Question

A palliative care doctor spoke of the difficulties she witnessed when someone was dying – that we couldn’t say or talk about dying, but skirted the issue. What words have you heard other than going: “passed away”, “gone to be in the sky as a star”, or “pushing up daisies” . The latter is the title of a brilliant group in West Yorkshire who intentionally provided opportunities for people to talk of dying and death. There is also a network across Scotland called Pushing up the Daisies.

Community

So continuing that theme, the Death Cafe is a place where you can bring anything to discuss. Here you’ll be repeatedly welcomed as one who can impart wisdom to others on this journey. Our lives may be different but they are all entwined; furthermore, we all come to this same point in life. Hence, let us bring to the table all that we feel about death, all that wish to know about dying – and support one another in the process.

We just might find that “dying isn’t as bad as you might think” :

Offering for our Guest to be the host

We could offer a speaker who could regale you with what they think is important. That said, it would be far better if we could bring what concerns us. We now turn the tables, the guest becomes the host! Yes, we have grief cards which can offer insight into some questions, but the ones that you want to bring are so important. So nothing is off the table.

We could talk about the plans for dying: such as a living will, a plan with an undertaker, whether to have a party after the service or before the service – one we can also attend and hear the stories! What exactly do I need to pay? What are the laws of the land for disposing of cremated remains? What can I say to the one who is dying? What might one who is dying want to say to the ones dearest to them at that time?

What scares us of talking about death or dying?