Words, Poems and the Eulogy

According to the Economist (paywall), the percentage of funerals led by Christian ministers (in England) had dropped to just over 20%. The significant increase in the number of civil celebrants has offered that opportunity for a diverse array of funerals and settings (right).

Nevertheless, even those funerals can include religious music or even prayers. In Handel’s ‘The Messiah’ there’s the line “O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?” Ignoring that this comes from a Biblical passage which would need some considerable amount of time to adequately explain, it also quickly minimises the impact of death, felt so much by the family at such a time.

What do you make of the phrase?

Words -King Edward VII

In the sermon preached at the funeral of King Edward VII, Henry Scott Holland said “Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room.” Although many might see the comfort this offers, its actual intention was very different.

Do we need to emphasise every aspect of the funeral: death, pain, separation – rather than gloss over the more traumatic issues?

The Gospels have seven different phrases that Jesus uttered on the cross, albeit the earliest Gospel only includes one : “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Surely this is sufficient for us to allow some focus on the pain of grief. If in doubt just have a look at the rest of the Psalms…

Poems

I am really encouraged by the sheer vast array of secular poems which families can choose to say at funerals. There is a poem attributed to Mary Elizabeth Frye ‘Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep’ – most probably written initially by Clare Harner. It uses a metaphor that our life melts into nature and we become an integral element of nature itself. Could this be Pagan or Buddhist? Could we all accept the central message?

I have used the poem by Bishop Charles Brent (alternative authors are also cited) called The Ship. It speaks of death being a portal from one world to another. Interestingly, it does not address death, just that feeling of separation from our loved one.

How does this make you feel?

Eulogy

In the past the minister, now more likely celebrant, would offer a eulogy, sometimes life story, whereas I would encourage a family member to relay that story, first hand. If there are tears, the congregation will be so with them. It isn’t a performance but passion personified. But what if the person’s life wasn’t one of wonderful stories. Can we cope with the true story or merely focus on ‘their’ good aspects?

I have heard one minister tread that no-man’s land beautifully so that the family were aware of the deceased’s character whilst still offering them a positive send off.

Is this what you’d like?